If a lifelong friend has cancer, what do you say?

Posted December 13th, 2008 by worrywort

She is truly the best of people, now married, young kids, and it's just made me cry all day. and yet, smiling thinking about her, too. she has amazing family, community, medical support, but i want to do or say something more than i have.

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Answers

From my experience, the best things you can say are those that have nothing to do with the illness. Watch a great movie with her and talk about that, do new things so she doesn't feel like she is living in the past, in things she cannot do anymore. Make plans and keep them, but always make sure she knows you'll do anything to help her. I watched my dad lose his battle to cancer, and his friends are what kept him going for so long, and kept a smile on his face. When it gets harder for her to do things because of the treatments make her her favorite foods and encourage her to eat (chemo causes nausea) encourage her to go outside, and to do things to help others. When he was feeling down and weak, my dad found a new passion for sudoku.

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I can tell you from personal experience, the best thing is not to say anything unless she asks you. Instead, be a great listener, and let her know (if she doesn't already) that you want to support her through this time. In truth if she can or has accepted her illness than the burden of emotion will be on you, so you should do the same and accept and respect her way of dealing. If she wants to cry about it, be a shoulder for her, but in my opinion the best thing you can do is let her know that she is not alone in her battle and that you will be there for her through thick and thin (even when it is tough for you emotionally, because it will be). Most people want to know (when contemplating their own death) that they will live on in the hearts and minds of loved ones.

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