answerJam

HEY, SCREW YOU SHY!! I posted it online cuz it's not something I can readily talk about IRL but it's really been a dark cloud hanging over my head and having a way to get it out is useful in dealing with this. What is not useful is having some wannabe-wiseguy douchebag put forward an assinine comment like your's shy.

Anyway I came back to say that I've been to see my doc and she referred me to an STD clinic which also deals in sexual health matters. I went there and the Doc. was able to give me a clear and cohesive insight into the underlying problem. It is that I can't pull the foreskin back at all which as she described it is like trying to do it with 10 condoms on. When she said that it immediately resonated because I can vividly recall how when I put it in those few times I could barely feel anything except for where the opening of the pussy clamps down. It suddenly made sense why I had never been able to maintain wood on those occassions I was able to create scoring chances.

I know for most folks here reading this it must be difficult to understand how I came to be in this situation. Firstly I don't know how common being circumcised is I'm guessing 70-90% of males are. What I'm getting at is it's not something I ever gave much thought to. Being uncircumcised is all I know, even though I've seen plenty of porn the fact that basically all the male actors in porno's are able to pull the skin on their penises never really registered until after that fateful appointment at the clinic. What can I say, the focus of my sexual interest is and always has been more on women and their bodies (which has had the effect of making foreplay as easy as breathing).

So anyway getting back to seeing the doctor at the clinic, I decided to test for STDs seeing as that's what the clinic is primarily about and there were at least 3 times that chicks I'd been with had let me have a go inside 'em with out a rubber. Good news is not just relatively STD free like Cleaveland Brown claimed but completely STD free!! And I got the referral to a Urology clinic which is important because I pay less for consultations with a referral. In a few weeks I'll have that appointment and discuss options to correct the condition which I discovered is called phimosis.

It was a huge relief to have something definitive, something concrete. Because before it could have been anything, it was amorphous and much harder to deal with. And ya'll have no idea how painful this has been to live with. I've been with some really great gals and I was able to get them hot and wantin' it so bad only to find myself unable to give it to them. There was this one girl from the country who I really liked and she responded to the foreplay in a major way such that the second time we got together she ended up saying I could do anything I wanted to her, and I was moved when she said that cuz those were words that I thought chicks only said in pornos, and there she was saying it to me in real life. A dream come true, until I realised I couldn't take advantage of her kind offer. It was the clearest opportunity to get to try screwing a chick in the back door which is like at the pinnicle of sexual to do list. But the overriding thought was if I can't fuck her pussy than I'm not worthy. It breaks my heart just typing it up, I mean this girl she appreciated what I could do for her so much that she was willing to do just about anything to make me feel good too. It wasn't until I got with this one chick a while later who was a selfish bitch that I could really appreciate how awesome most women are in that regard.

But beyond the the great sex that could've been there's also the other problems that have come with this. Primarily the calling of my sexuality into question. I mean there's nothing wrong with being gay and I would never prejudge someone that was. But as a child I'd never been attracted to males so I knew deep down what my sexual orientation is. But nevertheless in the wake of my continued inability to find the back of the net the doubt crept in. However that wasn't so bad, because deep down I knew a person doesn't just turn gay overnight there had to be more to it than that. The worst part of it was the possibility of others thinking it or discussing it's possibility behind my back. It's that combination of ED being something people don't talk about, and misconceptions that arise from things like not having a girlfriend, that whole thing of how when there's something mysterious about a person people have a tendency to put one and one togther and getting eleven. Nevertheless I just endured it and clarified what I could, where possible and just told myself that I just needed to sort the uderlying cause and to hell with people who jump to conclusions.

I understand there are people like that d-bag shy who may read this and with all the wisdom of hindsight say why didn't you just see a doctor to begin with and save yourself the agony? And to that I would say of course I wish I had done that back in 2002 when this problem first became apparent. Why didn't I, simple I was too scared at the time to go to my doctor (who at that time hadn't been my doc for very long) and say to her "ok, so the problem is the other day after my mother left for work I called up a prostitute and was unable to fuck her, I don't know if it was the situation, the bit of weed she offered that I smoked or if I just didn't find her stretch marks all that sexy but I think I need some viagra - nevermind my age though" It was a very confusing, and sad place to be and even though that very year there were those Pele ads during the world cup where he said go see your doctor if you're having erection troubles, it didn't speak to me because I could tell those ads were indirectly for viagra (due to the pfizer logo in the disclaimer) and in my eyes were aimed at old men. And with all the possible causes I thought I could fix this myself, only to find myself 8 years later with the same problem no matter what I tried.

I know this is a mammoth post but being able to get this off my chest is priceless and I'll understand if nobody adds anything more to this thread. In conclusion I'd like to say that at last there is a gleam of light breaking though a very gloomy cloud. And I look forward to being able to experience something I've never experienced. I sometimes wonder how different life will become once I've unlocked the pleasures of sexual conquest, I sometimes think about the possibility of accessing untapped potential. But I always bring myself back down to Earth, remembering that I have to take it one step at a time and that I'm not there until I'm there. I wanna thank AnswerJam for being there when I needed it most, and thanks to Dohickey and Darkangel for their input.