my life is so fucked up, i wish there was no such things as lies.
i wish ppl wouldnt/couldnt hide things from the ppl they love.
thats what hurts me the most.
my secrete is.... that i want to cut.
but i cant.
theres nowhere i can cut that somone WONT see it. cuz me n my bf fuck all the time, so he'll see.
and i end up getting sick alot n goin to the doc alot, so they'll see.
and i dont wanna cut because if my family sees it i will only be a dissapointment to them.
and i hate that feeling.
=(
i had a bunch of razors, but ppl made me threow them away.
i still have one though,
and its a tough one, so im actually scared to use it.
does anyone know what i can do instead of cutting,
anyways to keep my mind off of stuff.
please help me.
and fast
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dohickey said:
get counseling -- anything -- professional, friend, family.... this is not good to leave un-done. usually something else bothering you and you are acting out
ilikeitontop said:
ive tryed counseling.
it doesnt work,
a few of my friends r tryin to help though.
but they kinda give up sometimes cuz they know when it comes down to it its my choice.
but they dont know that if they made me promise to stop. i would stop. just for themm
Shy said:
Can you describe your anxiety? Why do you feel the need to cut?
ilikeitontop said:
like everything goes wrong. ppl do nothing but lie to me. life is gayyy. and cutting is like, the only way to calm me down, and make me breathe better when im crying. but then it gets ppl mad at me, and makes everything worse. so im trying really hard not to. i didnt last time. but almostt
julek said:
I totally understand what you're feeling. cause I've been there. infact I kinda still am. but i've actually cut my self, multiple times. I was almost addicted to hurting myself for four years before I finally told my mom. she didn't judge me, she just hugged me. I started going to counseling way long before i started cutting, but it didn't help. I'm still in counseling, it still doesn't help.
my advice to you is not to use that razorblade, but don't throw it away yet. if I were you i would sit down with my closest familymember, (NOT friend, because they only tell you what you WANT to hear), tell your familymember about your thoughts and anxiety, they'll tell you what you NEED to hear, and then, here comes the big part, give the person the razorblade. then make a deal with the person, that everytime you're about to hurt yourself you turn to that person and you sit down with him or her. you don't have to talk or smile, just sit. and another thing, don't ever, EVER, promise anyone that you wont use that razorblade. because if you promise that, you only want it more. ok, i don't know if this is going to work for you or not. but in your case i think you owe it to yourself to try. cause you don't want to die, right?
ilikeitontop said:
but no one in my family knows, well.. one of my cuzins does, but he lives like 5 states away from me, =( and i CANTT tell anyone else in my family, they would like hate me. and almost all my friends know. but.. ahhk, idk.
Shy said:
I thought so to, I thought they would hate me if they knew what i wanted to do and had done. but thats the depression and anxiety talking. you NEED to talk to somebody in your family that you trust, or you will end up scarred for life.
julek said:
btw, that post was me: Shy, i forgot to sign in
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