I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend..and I'm pretty happily married..!
Posted June 1st, 2009 by Bellassecrets
I dated my ex-boyfriend for 3 years..11 years ago. We started talking again after we had been broken up for 3 or 4 years. I was married by then and had had my first child. Was SO happy to run into him and we started talking and e-mailing. I was perfectly happy with my hubby, but was excited to reconnect with my ex. This was 7 years ago at this point. So for the last 7 years we just continue to text and talk. I actually only see him in pereson about 3 times a year. But almost every time we end up in my car,or his car making out. Its fun and exciting! But then I feel bad about it later for the obvious reasons. At the same time I cant get him out of my head..I think at this point. I never will and I know from what he has told me..he feels the same. The last time I saw him in person(just over a week ago)we kissed and before he left he looked in my eyes and told me he loved me. And I told him the same. I truly DO love my husband but WHAT am I supposed to do with my feelings for my ex? I refuse to cut off all contact. He really is a soulmate and I dont want to live with out him in my life on some level...
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Bellassecrets said:
PLEASE! anyone going through this too??!!
Shy said:
bellassecrets im going through that right now, my boyfriend that ive been with for 6years is so good to me, but theres that love that i want so bad, that he dont give, or how to give it to me=(, i love him with all my heart. my ex, will i was with him for 1 1/2 and when we broke up that when i met my recent boyfriend, so i never really got to get over him, or have that closer, everytime i talk to him, i get happy and i smile like if i've forgeotten how, its thats big bright smile, & i cant never seem to get him out my head, i just dont know what to do anymore???? i have a 4 year old with my boyfriend, but what do i do when i have deep feelings for my ex? i dont want to be selfish, and ruin my family, but then again i deserve to be happy too?
Shy said:
Yes!!! I am going through it right now. I can't stop thinking about my ex. He is in my head constantly. I am married, and I feel like he is my soul mate (my husband). I need help.
Shy said:
This is all so high schoolish your fooling around with your ex beacause its something different than your normal life your just hurting everyone and everyhting around you women are such bitches and teases they never know what they want fuckin dumb
Shy said:
listen here buddy!!!! I know what these women are going through and it is very far from high schoolish. People make mistakes in life along the way and find themselves in situations that perhaps they may not belong. I deeply love my ex with all my heart but unfortunately when we were together I was just 17 years old and too young too realize what I had. I fault him in a way because he was older and I think he should have made me realize he didn't want to let me go. We were in a way long distance at times and I met someone while I was away from him, got married without really thinking about the lack of resolution between myself and my ex. Now I am in constant contact with him and not exactly living the dream with my husband. It is difficult to judge people in these situations because I do not believe humans are truely monogamous but I do believe in soul mates as well so it is a touchy subject. Fortunately for me I do not have children involved. I feel terrible for those of you who do but whoever said it earlier....yes we all deserve happiness and sometimes it isn't leaving your husband for your ex but it could be leaving your husband for yourself so you can live life to the fullest.
Shy said:
i agree with every thing that you've just said in your comment. Fortunately i'm not married and don.t have kids but i still feel like i have a commitment with my boyfriend of 3 years. Although i saw my ex of 2 years last weekend and i can't him out of my head we always had fun when we we're together but i feel that he can give me somethin more than my current partner. Life's just very confusing and i know i'm only young and i still have my life to live, but i don.t wanna grow up knowing that i made a mistake or didn't make the right decision
Shy said:
I don't think it's high schoolish, for the simple fact everyone has feelings and sometimes those feelings can't be controlled. Sometimes in a marriage or relationship,you long for what you used to have with your ex that your husband or wife not be showing you. And that does not mean that you don't love them you wish that they were a little more like the ex. Whether the ex is your first love or your true love, i think you still will have respect and feelings for them, because your just human and it's normal. So ladies it's ok to feel what your feeling about your ex, just as long as you know where you stand in the relationship, meaning if you have to get a hold of them to get a clear understanding and that there are no hard feelings between the two of you, then you have closure with the ex. But try hard to not take it farther than a friendship, if that's what you want.
Shy said:
Statistically men are more likely to cheat...
Shy said:
we are literally going through the same exact thing. I don't know how to deal with it either.
jeff.simms said:
I have been reading through this thread, I am honestly shocked from some of the answers I read. Ladies I am in the same boat but on the other side of the coin. I came across some emails between my wife and one of her ex-boyfriends, let me just start that we were very open about our previous relationships and no one of us judge the other one because it was all before we got married. Back to the story... SO i came across emails between her and her ex-boyfriend and they are arranging to meet while we are on our family vacation, not even for a drink or a coffee which I am OK with even if I was there and I know this is strange to say, yet they are arranging to meet in their old park where all their dreams became reality if you all know what I mean. I understand the fact that we can all have some feeling towards our previous people that we had a relation with, yet this is so annoying that I don't know whether I should talk to her about it now, or wait until something happen and then raise hell, the only thing that is keeping me from acting foolishly is that we have beautiful kids that will end up being hurt so bad. This is not the first time that she does this, yet she keeps telling me that I am her soul mate and I am the one for her etc....
Can anyone help
Shy said:
Get smart you have to be getting ready for the moment she is about to meet up with him prepare babysitter for kids or leave in car while u get camcorder if it's in a motel get there early record her entering and leaving if u want give them time to get comfortable then knock lightly then say something with accent if u dontdo something she will deny everything it don't matter if u seen email they are snakes in the grass record anything and everything so u can win it all in court and she be the one who will regret it orwould u rather wait till she does it then u catch a case hitting her then u will be replaced be a man of action especially for your kids I did
jeff.simms said:
Thank you for the advice, but the state we live in is in a no fault state, that means she still can do this and end up keeping the kids as long as she doesn't dp any thing that could threaten their lives.
Shy said:
I am not going to judge you for reading her emails, and since this was months ago, you may have already settled this matter and had a positive or negative outcome, but I will say this, you think it could not happen to you, but believe me, it can and it may not be an ex, it could be a current situation on your part. Do not judge; we are all human. Things happen and we get through them the best we can.
Shy said:
I searched for something about feelings for an ex to see what other people had gone through and it's unbelievable how common it is! My take from all this is that love is a very complex thing. I am a newly wed, but have had memories about an ex leading up to and after the wedding. I am extremely in love with my husband, and I would never do anything to jeopardise what we have, but lately memories from my first relationship have been haunting me. But, the difference is, rather than assuming that I must still be in love with my ex, I recognise that I am remembering the love I had for him - at that time of my life. I think it's really important to consider that what some of you are feeling may be a memory of love, nostalgia, rather than current love. When I think about it, why would I love my ex now? He is a changed person, as am I, and he hasn't been the one to stick by me, support me, unconditionally love me like my husband does for me right now. In fact, I barely see him, so I couldn't say that I know him, the way I know my husband who I live, sleep next to, talk to, cry and laugh with - every blessed day.
Yes, my ex did that for me when we went out, but that we many years ago, and now we have moved on. I realise that my nostalgia is just nostalgia, a fondness for a beautiful youthful time in my life, which I will always cherish. Now I am ready to archive that part and fully enjoy my present happiness, which is even more beautiful because it is real, and in the present. Just remember that your past is an interpretation of what has happened, it's no longer real, because it is a recollection. What is real is what is happening right now, with your faithful and wonderful partners and children.
Shy said:
oh my God you hit the nail on the head. You are soo right. I think that we are remembering the past.That is not real anymore. If it has been a very longtime perhaps teenage years, than you only know that person back then. Ladies you don't know that person anymore. Your not the same and neither is he. Your not the same person a year ago, let along 10 or more years. What you have now is real. just like she said the person is standing by you right now is real, the person you sleep next at night is real. The person you are building a life with right now is real. So ladies let get a grip, shake it off. Your not with that person right now for a reason. Lets not back track because it could turn your life upside down. Trust me your in love with the person back in the day, not the person he is today. Lastly love your wonderful husbands that are for you right now and forever.
bitchkiller1 said:
You are a fucking tramp. I'm sure when the time comes to find a new boyfriend and thus dump the "horrible clod ruining your life", that you will no doubt reinterpret your past yet again, so as to rationalize your brutal selfishness and wanton, cold-hearted lust.
To all dumb-ass tramps out there reading this page: What you are actually encountering in your experience of nostalgia for the ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends that your two-timed, dumped, lied to, or just plain-old played, is your CONSCIENCE! Yes, that little voice inside your pretty little chicken-head you thought you'd be able to suppress by keeping yourself occupied with a steady stream of whoring, shopping, and commiserating with your fellow cunt-whore "girlfriends".
But, as the good Book says, "YOUR SINS WILL FIND YOU OUT"!
So now you are suffering the wages of your tramp-iness!
Boo-Fucking-Hoo!
Shy said:
Yes, you are so right! It is in the past, and the memories of the past are fine, but don't let them mess up your present. Day-to-day life with marriage and a home and kids doesn't have the same "excitement" or drama of making out with an ex - but it has a sweetness of its own.
Shy said:
thank you for bringing about the distinction between current life and memories. it helped me a lot
Shy said:
Your husband is really lucky... You are both smart and respectful
bitchkiller1 said:
You are a fucking tramp. I'm sure when the time comes to find a new boyfriend and thus dump the "horrible clod ruining your life", that you will no doubt reinterpret your past yet again, so as to rationalize your brutal selfishness and wanton, cold-hearted lust.
To all dumb-ass tramps out there reading this page: What you are actually encountering in your experience of nostalgia for the ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends that your two-timed, dumped, lied to, or just plain-old played, is your CONSCIENCE! Yes, that little voice inside your pretty little chicken-head you thought you'd be able to suppress by keeping yourself occupied with a steady stream of whoring, shopping, and commiserating with your fellow cunt-whore "girlfriends".
But, as the good Book says, "YOUR SINS WILL FIND YOU OUT"!
So now you are suffering the wages of your tramp-iness!
Boo-Fucking-Hoo!
Shy said:
im not going through this but......my bf just cheated on me and i dumped him but i still love him....but the right choice is to not take him back.......and the right choice for u is to stay with ur husban mainly because hes ur childs father.....wat u really need to think about is ur child and how they would feel about all this......and ur completly hurting ur husban he didnt do anything wrong....all he does is love you.....u also need to think about y u and ur ex broke up in the first place.... thats alll im going to say i hope it all works out... ^_^
Shy said:
Well you can't have your cake and eat I'm afraid. If you love your husband, the person you vowed to love, cherish and remain true to, then surely you have to cut off contact with your Ex.
If you love your ex more than your husband, then you need to confront that, own it and leave your husband to start a relationship with this other guy.
Basically you are being selfish. You want both men, but that's not fair on either of them. You have a decision to make and you will hurt someone, but if you continue like this you will hurt everyone
Bellassecrets said:
Yes, I know...it makes me try to figure out whats going on with my feelings about my husband. Am I just not really happy? He is really tired from work all the time and honestly doesn't have the time to emotionally make me feel fulfilled. And often when I'm trying to tell him something,he's not even listening..and I get really upset. BUT he is a good man and does care about me and the children.
Now..the ex. He is a recovering addict. which is one of the reasons we broke up in the first place.(was still drinking when we dated) I have serious doubts about it even working out between us even if we tried. He has a girlfriend now and is happy with her. And I'm happy for him. We dont see each other in person hardly at all. Like I said before 2 or 3 times a year. Otherwise we just talk..and we talk about our problems and just generally support each other emotionally. SO that is why I dont feel TOO terrible about it. We have never slept together,just kiss.
What I'm really looking for is someone who has some situation going on with them like this.....!Anyone?...Anyone?
Shy said:
actually the previous writer was spot on. if shes happily married and still messing around then shell always be a cheater. however, i feel bad for her because im in a similar situation. its hard when you dont get closure from a past relationship because when they come back the feelings do as well. if you leave your husband for that guy youll end up really bad in the end. theres a reason you didnt work out! and if he really cared about you hes respect your marriage.
Shy said:
I am so going through the same situation, I saw a man for 4 years, who lives with a woman and I was living with someone too at the same time..We had a sexual relationship which turned into a deep relationship later on, I truely believe this man is my soul mate..my true soul mate...I can't forget him and we text and talk to each other on a regular bases...this has just transpired in the last month or two...you see I am also married happily to a wonderful man for the past 2 years,he is good to me and my grown children a hard worker, I truely love him, but in my heart my ex is my one and only soul mate...I too don't feel that bad about seeing him some...we don't have sex and won't have sex because I could not do that to my husband...We do however kiss alot seems like I can't get enough of it...I know he loves me he has told me several times and I do love him too...but in my heart I don't want to hurt my husband or leave him for something that I can't explain...I too need your help to figure out what I should do.
Shy said:
I've had a situation where I was dating someone and still hung out with an ex. Basically what was said by the previous poster is true. You have to cut off ties to your ex, that's the only way you can really get him out of your head. If you truly are happily married, then you shouldn't throw your marriage away for this guy.
The reason why I was hanging out with my ex is because it was a new and an exciting experience compared to the mononity at home with my boyfriend. You need to communicate to your husband about how you feel neglected and once that's taken care of, you'll feel happier and more fulfilled. Exes are exes for a reason. It's great to have a friend and all, but it's not a good idea to find a friend in your ex.
Shy said:
Bellassecrets, you're a whore and your husband should leave you. Go ahead and leave your husband for your ex, your ex will just get addicted to something again. An addict is always an addict.
For kissing your ex you don't deserve to be with anyone because you'll just continue this behavior no matter who you're with.
Shy said:
The previous poster is wrong on so many counts, about both you and your ex. You should address the issues that you're facing in your relationship with your current partner so he might have fair chance to deal with things. Regarding your ex, it sounds to me like you get something from him that you're missing at home. It also sounds like your ex can't be your whole package; you've already tried that and seen it crumble.
You have four choices: one, the other, both or neither. If you haven't addressed it with him, your husband might improve if you do. It can't hurt to give this a shot. You know what comes with choosing your ex. If choosing both were working for you, you wouldn't be posting here...
Shy said:
Agreed
Shy said:
I've been going through something similar. Although I love my boyfriend (we are moving in together and want to get married in the next couple of years), I didn't have closure with my ex and whenever I see or talk to him, old feelings come rushing back. It's like for that short time that I'm together with my ex, nothing else seems to matter except how exciting it is to be flirting and getting that attention from him. It feels just like the butterflies that you get at the start of a new relationship - I'm addicted to that exciting and dramatic "will we or won't we" feeling. I felt the same way about a coworker that I had a major crush on last year. I knew he had feelings for me, too, and the game/chase was flattering and thrilling, even though I knew it was wrong.
Maybe those feelings will never go away... or maybe they will when I am TRULY ready to settle down (I'm only 24). I don't know. But I've found that the only thing that helps is to DISTANCE myself from my ex, that coworker, and anyone else that I feel might tempt me. Out of sight, out of mind... for now.
Shy said:
i had a relasionship like this at work my x cheated on me so i broke it of but i still love her alot i told her im her soulmate i beleive she needs me sounds weird but i think i am ...i couldnt work whith her it was hard the love was so strong i had to get away nowing wat she did i askd her 3 years later to ask me if she cheated on ,me she said she did i said i forgive her and i love her she says i dont love her but i do so much its unberible i love her she is pregnant now which hurts cause she new we planed a kid together but i left cause she done this ,,,,i wish i could turn back time and bare threw it somehow so that it was my kid weird hey i love her alot so muchhh my desire of love is to get her back i dont care if it take my hole life i want my soulmate she nows this ?
i need help fuk i feel like bowing out.. i lost my faith in god ..but i try to prey still why jesus
Shy said:
I know where you're coming from 100%.
My current boyfriend & I have been together for 2 years now, & we have a 7 month old little girl. I thought I was in love with him, but now I'm not happy, all he ever does is get mad at me for everything I do or don't do. I can't be myself around him. & the past 3-4 days he's been very distant.
Now my dilemma is that my ex (who I was on & off with all 4 years of high school) is in my life again. When it comes to my ex...I can't seem to put any other guy before him. I went to go see him yesterday. We talked, reminisced about high school, & watched a movie. But then out of no where he kissed me. & I'll admit...I didn't stop him. The whole time I was there...it just felt so right. For the 1st time in a long time I felt happy.
I don't know what to do though since I've got a 7 month old with my current boyfriend. But I feel like if we stay together it'd just be because of our daughter. I think if we did that I'd be miserable for the rest of my life. I feel like me & the current boyfriend are going nowhere financially. I'm doing stuff with my life, I have big dreams. But as of right now...he's going absolutely nowhere.
Shy said:
well i have been going out with this amazing guy for almost 2 years and we talk about getting married all the time but when we start to pain my ex call or show up and i just get the feeling back when we was togather and the love for him i just want to be with him but i know i cant i am getting married so ur not the only one
Shy said:
i have just reconnected with my ex over the net after 15 years. He was my first love and we always had this connection which hasn't changed. i am married and our relationship is great, but we work at it. i feel guity reconnecting with my ex and not telling my husband how far it goes but i know that what i have with my ex is years of fantasy and past memories and what if's, which is very different to reality. We will not meet face to face unless our lives change to the point where we are both single again, because honestly i know it would ruin both our lives...but i don't want to stop...i know it's emotional betrayal and everything but it makes me feel again. i need 2 keep the boundries at a safe distance which is very hard to do
Shy said:
Shy said:
I'm in a similar situation. It totally sucks. I haven't cheated, nor do I plan to. Also, my husband is fully aware of my feelings about my ex. I don't know what to do. Love is just a crazy thing.
Shy said:
I'm in the same boat. My ex broke up with me in College and i was devasted. We both sat there and cried for hours holding each other. I loved him with all my heart and still do. I recently got married and have a two year old son, but i think of my ex every single day and i believe he is my soul mate. We talk occasionally, but he lives in California and im in Ohio so i know nothing with ever happen. But i know if i were to see him again i would probably end up cheating. Keep the distance it makes it easier.
Shy said:
i have kind of been in a similar situation ecxept i wasnt married, it was just 2 boyfriends. i ended up sleeping with my x while being with my boyfriend, i told my boyfriend about it and i broke up with him for my ex, my ex was stil my ex the same problems we had before is the same we have, if you didnt work before then its probably not gonna work now, i say stay wit your husband IF HE WILL FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING. cut off all ties with your ex, and move on with your life, and trully your ex dont't give a danmm, because he has a girlfriend that he's cheating on with you, and he's still fulling aroundwith you while he knows you have a husband.
you need to move on with your life like i said before!!!!!!!!!!
Shy said:
I truly understand. I am not married NOR in a relationship, but my ex is married and we made out a couple of times...at that moment it is exiting, but afterwards, I feel disgusted and dirty....but the next time I will do it again...MY WORD, what is going on???????
Shy said:
Shy said:
Well i have been dateing my boyfriend for a year we have a all most 4 month old little girl and i love him of course but i have ben wanting to get in touch with my ex and have ben thinking bout him alot i think i still love him i dont no what to do
Shy said:
chances are your husband is cheating on you any way, all men cheat as far as i am concerned........Whatever you do, dont go all the way with your ex, but enjoy his company from a distance, we all need love.
Shy said:
well, me too... i had lost connection with my ex for abt 2 years and i havent married yet...but i do have a boyfriend right now...we just go out a bit but we do not live together. then finally one day i missed my ex bf so much n tried to call him.. luckily i can talk to him n i was really happy... i was the one who cut him off first so i felt guilty all the time n thought that he dun want to talk to me...but what i guess was totally wrong...he told me that he missed me so much...i dun dare to tell my current bf abt it caz he knows how i love my ex the most..
Shy said:
Bellasecrets; I found my ex on facebook and we've now been chatting via messenger, it's nice to be in contact with him as we were together for over 3 years, but i'm happy with who i'm with and i've told him that, I just hope that we can keep in contact with eachother instead of meeting up, ripping eachothers' clothes off because I know i'd regret it. Perhaps stick to emailing him instead, if he's with somebody else too then think of them :)
Shy said:
Boy, Oh Boy! I really feel for ALL you gals out there. And most certainly will NOT call all you girls cheaters! It is NOT your fault natural, hidden feelings crept out of nowhere. Anyway, I am in the same boat. I am happily married for 8 years, 2 children. An ex accidently re-appeared in my life a couple of months ago. This was not just an ex! This was an ex that I have ALWAYS been crazy for. Anyway, I've re-connected with the EX, 22 years later. What I can't f*cking explain is that my current husband is younger, better-looking, and makes more money than the ex, but why I cannot keep my mind off the EX??? Not to mention, the EX have so much DRAMA in his life. He is DIVORCED, have 2 children and experiencing financial woes. Anyway, we've only met 3 times for lunch, to catch up on friends/family/children and learn how our lives been after 22 years. Although, no sex, not even kissing. But so weird that we acknowledged that we have feelings towards each other. (Gosh, I think about him everyday) Both husband and EX treat me like a Queen. I appreciate how the EX respects my marriage. But don't worry GALS, I won't leave my husband, but at same time, I will absolutely NOT be OUT OF TOUCH with the EX. HELP ME! Would love to hear your thoughts.
Shy said:
please have sex whith him for fuk sake dont leave him hanging ther wats the point of talking then sounds perfetic hun so wat if u have kids its about past feeling and forgiving
Shy said:
I've been chatting to my ex via the net for the last few months.
We were both married when we met each other 15 years ago and fell in love with each other. We didn't do anything until we had split from our partners.
I finished with him because my head was all over the place and it is the biggest regret I have.
He is the first man to notice me before I noticed him!
We are both now remarried with children but like I said back in touch again.
We're going to meet for coffee soon which will be great.
He's my first love and there hasn't been a day gone by that I haven't thought about him.
He told me he loved me all those years ago and I wonder if he still does?
I love my husband, I really do but nobody has ever made me feel like my ex does.
We
At the time we were together I was 21 and he was 26, I have missed him so much and I know it's selfish of me but my heart breaks when I think that I made the biggest mistake of my life finishing with him.
I think you only have one life and should do whatever makes you happy, please give me your opinion please.
Shy said:
Yes. Me and my ex met after 5 years. We talked. Alot changed but the love for me I still see in his eyes. We talked over the phone also for 2 months or so, and he told me he never met anyone like me. He told me how he feels theres something missing, and I the same. I say what is the point? In this life we seperated and we were perfect in every way- we were the best match, we read each others thoughts, made each other smile, laugh and our love flowed forever. Even to this day hes not over me, and im not over him. I think whatever fate has in store it will, i do believe you can love more than 1 person. But the person I am with, was a rebound. I never realized until I left and him left- we parted on good terms! He said every girl he found, he wanted to find me in them??? I believe god makes us for one person only, and the rest well leave it to fate.If you meet, if anything happens its meant to be. I know people will say different, just like how they will say what size you should be, and whats pretty and whats not. I believe in following my heart now, because my brain betrayed me! We both know we wont leave the people we are with, there is alot for stake. But we will always love each other, thats all I know. God creates us in love, and we die with his love. Its our duty to follow our hearts path more than anything!
Shy said:
I am faced with the same situation as all above.But I am confused abt one thing.. How come it is only we women who think abt leaving our husbands n find faults with them and cant appreciate the good husbands we have... we always look for the missing element in our lives and at the end of the day looks like we might not get anything (husband nor past love).Decisions like these are v serious and have to take time to be thought over..even years. At the end of the day the damage must be minimal for everyone. Sigh!! Life sucks!
Shy said:
Life seems really tough for Bellasecrets. You ex is the person you love deeply - your husband is the man you are devoted to. You have spend every night sleeping with a man you really don't love and dreaming of the pleasure you are missing. What a punishment!
My advice is for you to follow your heart - leave your husband and child and make a clean break. Your husband will be fine. He is a responsible person and your child is better off with him alone - you are bad news for your child. No child needs an adulteress as a mother. For the sake of your child and out of pity for your husband, please go away with your ex - and keep your visitations to a minimum. Unfortunately, you child has your genes - it does not need any more of your influence.
Your ex needs you. with the unconditional love you have for him, you will be able to live your life deeply in love and the hardships wlllnot appear painful at all. Do move to a state with generous welfare support. You and your new husband will have the highs and lows that screwed up people have and will need mental health services. Do not let this stop you. Remember you are doing your current husband a child a favor by stopping the lie that is currently a cancer in their lives. They are better off without you.
Face the facts: you are whore and a good match for your equally screwed up ex boyfriend. And do remember, life does not suck - you and your ex boyfriend do!
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