Several years ago, I dated a man for almost a year. That year was the happiest year of my life. I felt a deep almost surreal connection with him. We loved each other very dearly. But in the end because of his culture and family, he decided to enter into an arranged marriage and we parted ways and never saw each other again. Well the marriage did not workout. About two years later, we emailed each other and met up for dinner. He was going through a divorce and I had just started a new relationship.
The connection was instant again. We talked like long lost best friends, and ended up back at my place making love to each other.
I felt very guilty after wards because of the new person I had just started dating. So I told myself that, he and I had our chance and it didn't work and he made his choice and he didn't deserve me and I needed to give this new relationship a chance.
So its now another two years later and the new relationship has become a marriage. I feel quite unhappy in my marriage. I think it is the distance because he is over seas a lot and we've never had solid time together to really develop our relationship. I don't feel that connection with my husband that I felt with my ex.
I feel really trapped. I had a big wedding and all of my family, who I'm really close to, was very happy. My husband and I bought a new house and our lives are completely entangled - yet I feel so alone. My husband is a wonderful person. He is willing to relocated his life (because he's from a different state than I am). He is very devoted to our marriage. Yet I feel like I don't really know him. He has parts of himself that he doesn't share with me. Working on our relationship seems like such a struggle.
And then...the part where I infinitely made my life more complicated. After two years of no contact. I met my ex the other day for lunch. Except we just talked for hours and then made love to each other.
I was so conflicted at what I had done that I just started crying in the shower. He was downstairs in the shower, and I just left without saying a word.
I don't know what to do. Do I stay with my husband whom I don't love but could learn to love? Do I even tell him about the affair? Will he forgive me? Do I even care? or do I reunite with the man whom I do love but don't know if I can have a happy marriage with....
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