Okay, here's the situation I'm in.
My significant other and I have been together for 6-7 months and everything has been great and we love each other very much but recently...
they wanted to do some experimenting sexually, but that isn't the problem in fact i thought that was good and it seemed to be working well, we did this experimenting for about a week while i was staying over and they seemed to really enjoy it and i was relieved that we had gotten to this stage and everything
I thought everything was going smoothly but then they said they recently decided that they are really "asexual" [not as in reproducing with self but as in Anti-sexual] and wouldn't want any kind of sexual attention in any way or form in the future.
The "experimenting" is nothing weird or abnormal just touching and sensual kissing, etc. not even intercourse or anything.
Anyway it isn't that its a huge part of the relationship to me but at the same time it is something that i feel is part of one... if it were a matter of waiting, Id wait but they said they do not want this PERIOD...and it seems a little hard to completely ignore that aspect of a relationship for good. I do not want to let this person go though I love them very much and this is the only problem we have even had... but I'm not going to lie... then I may as well not be here if I do... I'm a very sexual person... I honestly don't think I can make it at all without any sexual/sensual interaction.
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sensitive said:
In my opinion sex is something that many ppl cant live without. its a natural funcion of the brain and the body. I have never had sex before and i dont know how it really is but i have read that.Maybe u should try and make your self a little less sex addict. But generaly speaking, sex isnt as bad as ppl indroduce it.
AnonymouslyHidden said:
I'm not really a "sex addict" per se... I mean I haven't had any physical contact of ANY kind... [not meaning just SEX] for... I don't know... at least 9 months or so? I'm not even saying I need intercourse... or not anytime soon.... it's just we explored, I thought we were progressing... he said he never wants to touch or ANYTHING physical in the future. period. THAT, I cannot deal with... I want to express my emotions with more than just words, especially seeming we already HAVE gotten somewhat physical... taking it away made me feel like we were taking a step backwards... you know?
crikey said:
i think a full relationship is full -- in all respects. doesn't have to be a lot of anything, but at least some of everything is good
waiting said:
It's hard to be in a relationship with someone you love and not be able to express that love physically too, whether it's through sex or something as simple as a hug. have you talked to your boyfriend about how you feel? maybe he doesn't know that having a physical connection is just as important for you as an emotional connection. I don't really know much about being asexual, but maybe your boyfriend could try to explore his feelings to try to determine what is driving his asexuality... maybe had some issues earlier on in life, or maybe he's afraid of commitment?
AnonymouslyHidden said:
I'm going to bring it up when we can talk in person... he's coming over Tuesday and I plan to have a discussion on this at that point in time... I actually wrote out a letter so all my thoughts on it were gathered and I don't miss-communicate what I want to say or get nervous... I'm going to give him time to read it and then be there to talk about it in person.
I really do not know how this will work out... I'm hoping we can at least compromise or something... as for if something is driving his asexuality... I don't really know... never really thought about it... I know all about his past [or at least I'm pretty sure that I do] and nothing I know of as far as that goes would cause that sort of thing...
Shy said:
Shy said:
sounds like you should dump him and move one. maybe he's just saying that because he's looking for a way out, but if he's legit in saying it, then it sounds like that's something you're not going to be able to do without. and i'm not saying you won't be able to do without the physical stuff, but that you're feeling rejected and detached emmotionally if you do away with it completely. i say dump him and move on...
Shy said:
listen sista, people say things, allllll the time, never means they gonna follow through with it. think about it. people get a scare from almost getting pregnant or what ever and they'l say- no more sex!! like until marriage. OBVIOUSLY bull shit. so just go with it, if home boy does follow through be like, whats the deal what did you see? feel? smell? that turned you off to my rockin sex goddess body. DO IT!
Shy said:
Preach on SISTA!
Dizzy Miss Lizzy said:
When I was 16 I had a boyfriend whom was one of the first I experimented with as far as though whole touching and such. We never had sex, but I was ready to take the next step and lose my virginity, he wasn't. He also wanted to swear off any type of sex and even considered going into the priesthood. It's hilarious looking back on it, but then it wasn't. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. It turns out he had an interest in some other girl who he was in love with way before he met me. It was just an excuse so that I would lose interest, and I did lose interest. He eventually ended up with the girl. That was his reason for not wanting it to go further, your guy could have a completely different reason.
Some people get scared when it comes to having sex. Some people even go as far as backing away from it completely. If you really like this guy and want it to continue you need to communicate with him and find out what's wrong. Depending on his answer or lack thereof, you'll know if you should dump him and move on. Sex is a huge part of a relationship and also in life and you shouldn't feel bad for wanting it.
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