I’ve got a huge problem, well in fact I’ve got a lot of huge problems.
Problem number 1; I’m a smoker – I’ve been smoking for two years, my mom thinks I quit a year ago, but I only told her so because I don’t want her to worry, which she does a lot. There’s another thing about this problem. I hate smoking, I hate the smell, I hate the taste, I hate that people hate me for doing it. But I can’t stop, because I’m kinda addicted.
Problem number 2; I’m also addicted to antidepressants. I’ve been on them for five years, my psychologist has asked me if I wanted to stop but I said no. Because I love them, I absolutely love them. They make me feel happy and unaware of everything bad that’s happening to me. But I’m almost seventeen and in two weeks I’m moving out of my mother’s house and to a new city for a new school. And I can’t really trust myself with the pills, cause I tend to take to many if I’m depressed. And if I take to many people are gonna realize that I’m on something.
Problem number 3; I can’t feel love. Ok I know you’re gonna say that I’m only seventeen and aren’t supposed to think of this as a problem yet or stuff like that but seriously. I’ve never had that feeling for anybody, which results in that I’ve never had a boyfriend or even been on a date. I tell my mother I love her all the time but that’s a lie, because I don’t even feel love for her, and she’s my mother for crying out loud. Aren’t you supposed to feel, I don’t know, something for you own mother? What if I never ever feel love for anybody?
Problem number 4; I don’t trust anyone. I have to keep all of my secrets to myself because I’m also kinda paranoid so I have about thousands of secrets nobody ever is going to know. Because I don’t trust anybody I’ve never had a real friend. You know that kind of friend you can tell everything to. The one you trust more than anything. I don’t think I’m ever going to trust anyone.
So here you have it, I’m a paranoid, smoking addict that can’t feel love. You wanna to trade life with me?
Comments
cybil said:
wow -- first, i'd ask doc to trade antidepressant for chantix or such -- will help with smoking, and the prozac or whatever might be what kills your feelings. don't sweat mom.
julek said:
I've changed anidepressants four times, none of them seem to actually keep me from being depressed, they only make me happy for a couple of hours.
and btw, i didn't even know there were real medicine for smoking problems. maybe I can ask my therapist about them. :)
lilysecret said:
I'm kind of like paranoid myself, but when I realized that when i'm acting like I don't want to trust anyone, peopole in return does the same. The people around us is the reflection of ourself. If we try to be insecure about ourselves, people in return would also see our imperfections and they would be more concious about themselves.
people doesn't want anybody who would be so pessimistic about life. Because negative emotions can drag the people around you down, and they would just shove you off their way.
Why not try to look at your good side everyone has that for sure!
why not try new activities, renew yourself. Learn new things like music and acting or things like that. Learn to love yourself because if you don't how could you love and understand others?
I am also having problems but whenever i have that in mind i just pray.Or try to enjoy other activities to unwind myself.
the problems you are having now, are problems that can only be solved by you. those challengees you are facing now are given to you because you are strong and you can handle it.
You're on your way of solving it because you seek for help and that's a good thing.
I hope you would feel ok soon!
Shy said:
hi, than you so mutch for that answer. In fact I have been trying to see my positive sides, but everytime I try I start to cry. Because I don't really have that many positive things. but your answer means alot to me. :)
julek said:
sry, i allways forget to sign in when im commenting back :P
Dizzy Miss Lizzy said:
I'm sure the anti-depressants have a lot to do with why you feel like you can't feel love. They tend to dull the emotions to the point where you are zombie-like. I was on them for 10 years and didn't realize how void of personality and human emotion I was until someone close to me finally had the guts to tell me. So off the meds I was and now am chalk full of emotion. As far as the paranoia, that goes hand in hand with any depression problem. There's nothing wrong with keeping your secrets to yourself. If you can't voice any of your problems to your mom or psychiatrist, it helps to keep a journal so that way you're letting your problems air out without having to tell anyone. It's never good to keep things bottled up, it'll make you a nervous wreck.
I don't think you really appreciate your parents until you reach the age of 21 or so. As a teen you're dealing with a lot of anger and frustration with your parents which is a normal part of being a teenager. So I really wouldn't worry about that too much. I agree with the poster above, you need to do something that helps you unwind and keeps your mind on something else. Find a hobby and do something you love. I used to just drive out to the local park and go for a nature walk. Exercise and fresh air will also help with your smoking habit as well. If you have more of an oral fixation like I had with smoking, lollipops and gum help. Also, Welbutrin (anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med) is supposed to help with both depression and quitting smoking. I was told it doesn't make you gain weight like other anti-depressants do.
Things will get better and clearer with time. The older you get the wiser you get. Don't fret too much.
Shy said:
At least your mom cares about.
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