answerJam

if he is your best friend then whats the problem?

I'm going through the same thing, and i really can't wait to grad and go to uni, you are not alone. Ignore 'shy' and 'darkangel' when someone you care about says that they love you and you feel in a position where you have to say it back its really, really hard not too.

My bf asked me out, and i said yes, and i shouldn't have done, the only reason we are going to have sex (And it will happen) is because i want to make him happy, but i don't love him. I put of having sex for a few months now. I need to break up with him but i'm getting deeper and deeper into this relationship. Even though i know i don't love him. I can't put of having sex with him any longer and I can't bring myself to break up with him. You are right, If we split it's gonna be a bad split and there is no way we would be able to be friends. But i feel as if i can't split with him because of how he will react., because of his personality type. But i know the longer we stay together the more chance i will spend the rest of my life with him, and i don't want to do that.

And another part of me is thinking, you have found a really great bloke who is really in love with you and cares for you and listens, and you share similar interests and if i was older i would marry and have kids with, because he is secure and safe and love matters less when you are older than comfort and security.

So will love fade? Depends on his personality. But the longer you leave it the more you are just going to develop the bond between you in the wrong way. Perhaps if you are lucky he will fall in love with someone else, but there is no guarantee.

I'm thinking of maybe pretending I'm gay (The more i think about it the more attractive the possibility seems)

Respect and Best of Luck

You have to be a little more responsible with other people's feelings in the future. Why don't you just enjoy the sex then move on after college? No need to feel guilty, have a good time!

I've got a similar situation to yours, except I'm the guy who's in love in the "relationship", so hopefully I can shed some advice here...

She's my best friend... she's seen me at my best and worst, really cares for me and has been a wonderful support right through my adult life. I'm honoured to know that before she completely turned me down, she had to think really hard about it. It was very hard for her, but I'm glad that she helped me understand what her feelings are; I'm sure once I've moved on completely, I'll appreciate it even more.

She and I have each felt head-over-heels love once in our lives, but never with each other. I dated someone that I met through her (before I realized that I had these feelings for my best friend), and she's having those feelings now, but it isn't "really" reciprocated. There's a certain strangeness to his character that repulses her, and based on what she's told me, it sounds like he's a slight womanizer. Either way, nothing's happening there, and that's why I'm still around. :p

We haven't had sex yet, but she's told me that she's "tired of being stuck". We spoke about it with interest, but fell to the back-burner, probably because I didn't want to be forward and proposition her when I clearly had to move on. Then, one night she starts kissing me out of the blue when we were at a mutual female friend's place. It almost happened that night, but there was another guest, and so we decided it would be best to save the fun for another time.

I'll admit, I really do love her, but I've refocused my energy such that it's in an unconditionally friendly way. I had come on really suddenly, and I think that may have hurt my chances. Also, I'm a pretty depressed person when my life isn't in a good balance, which was one of her reasons for actually dating me for a bit. If this is the case with your friend, he needs to think about how hard it would be for you to do what you're doing for him. Of course, if you talk to him, separate what you're doing for him from what you're doing for yourself in the relationship. I mean, he's clearly a close friend of yours, and you enjoy your time with him. It's important to outline why you like him in the way that you truthfully do.

In my case, my friend pinned me as a great model boyfriend with whom it "could be nice" to get together with. She also enjoys my company, talks to me about whatever is bothering her, etc. Through our experience of me having professed love to her, we've become even closer, because after having had this ultimate test, I can really talk to her about anything without shame, including sex and other topics that aren't usually open to common, even close discussion.

Another important note: it's not easy to get over someone whom you've been close to, so do expect fallout. If you care for him, I would make effort to spend plenty of time with him even after you have to break up. The reason for that is, he will need time to adjust to the situation and explore himself. It is so much easier when the best person that you can talk to is the person with whom you're breaking up with. Of course, you'll need to monitor the space between you both, as you're the one who will have to lead him to the outcome that you desire. If you're afraid that he'll resent you for the time you spent dating, consider why he feels so close to you. I know that in my case with my "girl friend", I could never put anything before our friendship, and so I can only see what she did as acting in good faith, because she loves me so unconditionally that she would consider doing something painful for her to benefit me, as much as really, I would never want her to.

But seriously, give him the reality check and allow him to see what it is that you're actually doing for him. Let him decide how he wants to deal with the situation, but guide him firmly when need be so that he doesn't fall back in.

The best of luck to you, my relationship with my best friend only improved after this.

John

what the f*ck is wrong with you people to have sex with a friend that loves you!! do you even know what it does to the other person. well i can tell you because thats me...im in love with my best friend and ive been sleeping with him and its doing nothing but killing me inside...now im in so deep i cant cut him off because i cant live without him in my life and now ive fell in to such a deep depression over it all, all i do is cry and stay in bed...i dont talk to my friends anymore, i cant eat because nothing tasste right, and im misrable...thats what this shit does when u dont make yourself clear that ur just friends and thats all its going to be...if you want ass go bang some random person but dont hurt the people who love u its not fair to them like it isnt fair to me

wat the fuck u say u love him but u dont mean it wat the hell is wrong with u bithccccccccccc get a fuckin live

Your a Moron and a skank. One day he'll meet someone real. So leave him alone, tell its over so he can rightfully have nothing to do with you and find a decent woman. You want your best friend for emotional contact and some a-hole for sex..Your a nasty skank

True love never fades. If he is really in love with you, he will be forever even if he tells you otherwise later on.