I need help. My parents divorced when I was in the fifth grade. My father left my mother after 32 years of marriage and married his high school sweetheart. That's the only divorce in my immediate or extended family. Consequently, I have serious trust issues, and they never really surfaced until the relationship that I'm in now.
My biggest fear is ending up old and alone like my Mom. Ever since I was a child I've dreamed this fantasy of falling in love, having a family, and living happily ever-after. I'm a hopeless romantic. My favorite movies are Titanic, the Holiday, and the Notebook. No kidding. I appreciate old-school chivalry. I'm a very modern girl. I believe in female independence such as having a career and a life of my own, but I still expect men to hold doors open for me, respect me, pull out my chair, love me, and never be attracted to another woman. I believe in the "one and only" thing. I don't want my men to be attracted to or thinking about other women. Maybe it's immaturity and maybe it's insecurity. I don't know.
All I know is that it puts a damper on my relationship. My boyfriend and I love each other. We talk about being together forever. We talk about having a family. He's never done a thing to break my trust. I'm actually the more threatening person in the relationship because I can tend to be a flirt and I have cheated on boyfriends before. He is not a flirt, and he's never cheated. Anyway, I still live in fear. Fear that he'll leave me, fear that he'll cheat on me, fear that he's hiding things from me. It's not even just a fear for the present, but I fear falling in love, getting married, having a family, and then being abandoned by my husband, whoever it is...my current boyfriend or not.
We've talked about it so many times. He tells me I need to "let him in." But I can't. I won't let myself give him my all because I don't want to be completely crushed if something goes wrong.
I don't know what to do. Help.
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cybil said:
so hard, and so common... my folks split at roughly same time -- very ugly and my siblings and i had bad reactions. i can't be alone, my sibling closest in age can't be with one person... he's well over 40, and never is faithful, much less had never been married, or in a trusting relationship. so many people carry these issues for life, so i'd take the chance with a loving guy -- sounds like you have one. go to a local group with him -- he'll hear all these stories, understand the path through it, and both of you will have lots of understanding and hope. really!
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