my boyfriend and i broke up 6 months ago. we dated about a year and a half...a year of which was long distance. when we got together in person everything fell apart. there were a lot of external factors affecting our relationship, and i know that if circumstances had been different we could have lasted. we both genuinely loved each other, and when we broke up it was mutual. we didn't break up because either of us did anything wrong. it was just because we had to...because we didn't function as a couple. we'd been fighting for months and it needed to end because neither of us were happy. we both sobbed when we broke up, and apologized for everything we'd done wrong in the relationship. i didn't WANT to break up, but i knew we had to. So i did it willingly, knowing it was for the best. I had to see him all the time because we're in college and we had class together. We'd see each other in class, and it was so painful for me. I thought that coming home for the summer would help me get over him, because i wouldn't have to see him or be reminded of him. but i'm not. i'm going back to school in two weeks and i'm not over it.
i think about him every day, i'm filled with so much regret because i feel like if some things had gone differently we would have worked out. it's not fair that we loved each other and we had to move on. if two people love each other, they should be able to be together. shouldn't they? i don't want to move on with my life because i loved him and he meant so much to me. i still love him. why should i have to forget someone i loved?
he wants to be friends. i tried. i can't be just friends with him. i want so badly to be friends with him just so i can have him in my life. but i can't. when i'm "friends" with him i do stupid things like tell him i miss him.
i know that on a day to day basis my average level of happiness is higher without him than it was with him. but i miss him so much. i'm not a pathetic person. my life has moved forward without him. i've accomplished things and found happiness in things, even had some other guys. but i haven't forgotten about him.
why is life so unfair that it's virtually impossible to have someone in my life that i care about so much?
why is life so unfair that it's forcing me to let go of something that means so much to me?
Comments
dohickey said:
careful -- missing something will go away, letting go you WILL do, when you feel it. and forward in life does work. NOTHING is every as good as th wish and memory you attribute to it seems. trust me, march forward.
Post new comment